Through the Rain
by twigirl3
Summary: Hermione is married and successful, but she feels as if something is missing from her life. With the her friends and her loving husband, who while meaning well sometimes just makes things worse while trying to help her find the light through the rain This fic does contain descriptions of severe depression, no self harm or suicide just a whole lot of angst Rated M for adult themes
1. Chapter 1

**Hello loves! this is my first Dramoine fic ever so please be forgiving! My grammar sucks so I have a kick ass beta by the name of GracelessGlory. Go read her stuff, she rocks.** **With no further ado I present you with "Through the Rain"**

Hermione had not eaten a real meal in at least a week. Her cheeks were pale and her hair unkempt. She lay in bed staring at the ceiling counting the texture dots to keep her mind busy. Her body craved sleep;yet her brain would not calm enough for her to find even a few minutes of rest before she was so utterly exhausted that she could not physically keep her eyes open anymore. She rolled onto her side to look at her mobile, one of the few muggle devices she kept around her home, the screen read a quart after three in the morning. She set the phone down and rolled back onto her pillows, rubbing her eyes, and praying for sleep to come. She knew it would not be long before she needed to get up and go into work. She did not need questions asked about the dark circles under her eyes but she could not bring herself to use a potion to sleep. They left her groggy when she woke up. She needed to feel alert but she could not take this insomnia any longer.

Hermione got out of bed slowly, as she sat her feet on the cold wooden floor she visually searched for her slippers. Spying them she quietly slid her feet into the soft pink shoes. Being careful as to not wake her husband she made her way to the cabinet where her potions were normally stored and found a draught of dreamless sleep. "This should do the trick," she thought.

A few hours later Hermione woke to the sound of her alarm on her phone. She let out a groan while throwing her arm over her eyes. Four hours. That is the longest she had slept in days. Yet it still felt like it had been nothing at all. She went into her adjoining bathroom and stared into the mirror. "Today will be better than yesterday," she whispered to herself. She had to get through this day.

Hermione quickly showered, still not washing her hair. She did not feel she had to energy to do anything more than necessary. "The perks of dark hair," she thought to herself again for the fourth day in a row as she washed the most necessary areas and ignoring the rest. Within five minutes she was stepping over the edge of the tub and grabbing the towel that hung on the rack nearby. She made her way into her bedroom and opened her wardrobe looking for something to wear. Hermione's mother had forced her to do her laundry over the weekend. She was tired of seeing her daughter in the same pair of jeans day after day. She pulled out a simple black pencil skirt, light blue blouse with matching jacket. Finding some clean under garments she slowly got dressed. She decided to leave her legs bare. She could not be bothered with stockings. They simply became an irritation as the day went on and no one would notice anyway she felt.

After getting dressed she made her way back to the bathroom to attempt to do something with her unruly curls. They hadn't been washed or combed in four days and she didn't feel up to combing it again that day. She felt as if simply getting into the shower and getting dressed had taken every ounce of energy she had had when she woke that morning. She found a comb and attempted to comb back the knots the best that she could. Once it looked smooth she pulled her long hair into a tight bun that hid the fact that the only portion of hair that had been combed was at the top and side of her head. She ignored her growling stomach and went to her fireplace to floo to the Ministry to start her work week.

As Hermione exited the fireplace in her office she quickly brushed the soot from her clothes and face. She unlocked the door and stared at the pile of papers and files on her desk feeling the anxiety of the week before building in her neck and shoulders. She knew that she could easily get the tasks at hand finished quickly but she simply lacked the ambition to do so. It was as she was sitting down to her desk that she heard someone knock quietly on her office door.

"Come in," she called. She silently prayed that whoever was knocking would be quick because she was not in the mood to entertain anyone this morning, perhaps after lunch but now she wanted solitude. As she looked up she saw that her visitor was none other than her best friend Ginny. Ginny had an expectant look on her face as she entered her office and she knew what it would be about. She always knew what it was about when Ginny came to her to talk in the mornings. Ginny wore the same look on her face that Hermione had worn for months before she gave up and decided to wallow, drowning in her own self-pity.

Hermione gave Ginny a weak smile and Ginny's facial expression switched from expectant to concerned when she took in Hermione's appearance. "Hermione, what is the matter? You don't look like yourself this morning." Ginny sounded as if her concern was genuine but Hermione was feeling if it was more so out of a sense of obligation. She widened her smile and replied with a simple "I'm fine," and looked back down at the papers in front of her. She heard the chair in front of her pull out and her friend sit down. "Hermione Jean, I know you better than you know yourself. You are my best friend and I was the Maid of Honor at your wedding. I have known you for eleven years. Do not tell me that you are fine. Because you are far from being fine. You have a rat's nest in your hair that you think you are hiding with a bun, your hair is unwashed and your eyes look like you haven't slept in a week. Now, are you going to tell me what in Merlin's name is the matter or will I have to go get Harry to us Legilimency on you?"

Hermione knew that her friend would most definitely employ her husband's skill at Legilimency to read into her mind as she had done it in the past. She let out a heavy sigh and looked at Ginny and decided to let her into her mind on her own.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! I'm back! Sorry for the delay, My thumb decided that it wanted to feel like a carrot and get sliced. But I am stitch free and able to type now that my appendages are all properly attached.**

 **On another note, this chapter was really hard for me to write, so I apologize for the choppy nature of it.**

 **This chapter would suck without GracelessGlory. Read her stuff she rocks her metaphorical socks.**

 **I own nothing except Hermione's depression. The rest belongs to the wonderful Ms. Rowling.**

With a heavy sigh, Hermione looked her friend in the eye. She tried to find better words to describe what she was feeling yet all that came out were "It's complicated. Even I can't seem to describe it to myself." She knew that Ginny would not understand why the events in Hermione's life were affecting her so. She lived a seemingly perfect life. She had the job that she had dreamed of before the war, she had a husband that loved her, friends that cared about her, and outwardly didn't seem to want for anything at all. Yet day after day, Month after month, Hermione found herself falling further and further into a black hole. While typically being skilled at hiding her emotion from those around her, the past few weeks had put a strain on her mental state. She knew Ginny would want an explanation, and Hermione didn't think that she could give her one that would satiate her friends need for more information. Instead, she opted to change the subject.

"You came in to talk to me about something, Ginny? I really do have a mountain of work to do." She hated that she was so short with her friend but she just was not in the mood to talk about her mental state now. Ginny put her hands on her slender hips and dug further. "Nuh uh Hermione. There is more to this than 'It's Complicated' I expect a full answer. My news will keep until I know you are well. So, spill the beans, so to speak." Hermione sighed, placing her head in her hands. She should have known that her redheaded friend would not take such a blasé answer. She decided that honesty would get her farther with Ginny and closer to being alone. "Ginny, I really just don't want to talk about it right now. I promise you that I will, and soon, but as for now I just can't." Hermione felt defeated in this moment. Almost hollow, as if nothing else mattered. She felt her eyes prickling with tears and knew that if she didn't find solitude soon she would burst. Ginny put her hand on Hermione's shoulder "Fine, lunch then? At the sandwich shop down the lane from the visitor's entrance to the Ministry?" Ginny added quietly. Hermione mumbled a faint "Yes, alright," and Ginny left her with a worried smile.

As soon as Hermione heard the latch on the door she cast a quick yet efficient silencing charm as well as a charm to lock the door. As soon as she knew that it was safe to do so, she allowed the tears that had been threatening to spill over since this morning to fall freely. Those few tears quickly developed into weeping and Hermione felt as if she would never be able to stop. She felt hopeless, childish even. For letting something so small and seemingly insignificant affect her. She took a deep shuttering breath, wiped her face with a tissue, and decided to start on the pile of paperwork that she had been trying to avoid when Ginny joined her. She felt that if she could get lost in her work she may be able to forget momentarily how she was feeling now.

Time seemed to stand still to Hermione. She worked her way through application after application, form after form, until she could feel her stomach knotting with what could be either hunger or anxiety about her lunch with her red headed friend. With how she had been feeling lately she gathered that it was the later of those two that left her feeling ill.

At noon Hermione heard the soft rapping on her office door that signified that Ginny was waiting for their lunch and for more information as to Hermione's mental state. Hermione rubbed her eyes and stood, thinking to herself, "Here goes nothing," as she grabbed her pocketbook.

Ginny placed her menu down on the table and gave her friend an examining stare. Hermione could feel her eyes boring into her and avoided the gaze even still. They had been sitting at the table in silence and Ginny knew that Hermione was avoiding eye contact. It was she who broke their silence. "Hermione, look at me. I know something is wrong, we all do. Whatever is the matter with you? You've been like this before but never for this long. I'm worried about you." Hermione stared at her blankly. _"Now or never,"_ she thought. She knew her voice was going to tremble as she could feel the knot in the pit of her stomach, anxiety building. _"Ginny is your best friend, you can tell her."_ She felt as though forming words was impossible, she swallowed. With a flourish of her hands, she weakly smiled at Ginny, "It's nothing really. I am probably over reacting." It was with that that Hermione felt the tears at her eyes again. She sighed "I'm lying you know, it isn't really nothing. I am feeling quite hopeless. Like my life is all wrong." Ginny stared wide-eyed, speechless she grabbed Hermione's hand and squeezed. "I know exactly how you feel."


End file.
